I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize