I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
