News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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