i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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