How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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