i dont even know how to be here
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i think i just lost a toe
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
