worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
