I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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