some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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