I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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