Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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