Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
