I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
