It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
