I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize