Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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