I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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