ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
