i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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