sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
