The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
