Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
