Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
