I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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