i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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