You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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