just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
