Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
