Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How external is "for external use only"?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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