Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she told me i tasted like america
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
