I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
