just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
