He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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