awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
