So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
