if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
