Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
