So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
