don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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