Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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