trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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