I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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