I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
