This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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