You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
