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Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just google imaged poop.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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