he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..