JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
