I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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