I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.