When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.