Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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