I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
