officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
that is very illegal...i love you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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