The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
