im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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