my mouth tastes like poor choices
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
