hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
