You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize