I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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