R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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