if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
