good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
