tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
