This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
