Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
