did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
