it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
