I feel great
I just peed on a car
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you didnt know i had herpes?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
