I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Houston, we have a squirter
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
